I don't need this right now

I don't need to doubt myself.

I don't need to feel guilty, for the unforgivable sin.

I don't need to lose control.

I don't need to feel like a jerk.

I don't need to worry about losing the one I love.


But most of all,

I don't want you to tell me everything is alright when it's not.

I don't want you to tolerate me, just because you love me.

I don't want you to sacrifice your emotions and hurt yourself for me.

I don't want you to worry about me.

I don't want you to be unhappy.

I don't want to see you cry.


Why do I always screw things up?


Sigh. But for now, I just need to concentrate and study.

The Apple of My Eye

Introducing my nephew, the latest addition to the family... LoL baby Wilson Chan Hong Wen, he is. A month old, he is. Super cute, he surely is.

Practising dance steps so early in life?

Stoning...

Doesn't he look sooo cute yawning?

*reminds me of another cutie. wink wink*

Aww... *little sweetheart*

Trying to be the next ladykiller uh?

Well, he's got the genes. Haha

heaven forbid

It is only real if it hurts?

The Longest Day Of My Life

Never did I imagine I was going to wake up to this eventful day, the moment I opened my eyes on Tuesday morning. Reluctantly, I dragged myself to lecture and PBL. I even followed friends to shop for props around the valley while cutting stuffs (in the car, while walking, waiting) ... I was elated they turned out better. I was still unaffected though my aching knee is not really recovering and I have to wear a supporting kneeguard band. It's okay. I will get better soon. I told myself.

As I returned home, things changed.

But I chose to divert my attention to work. Helping a friend settle some performance details.


I went back home again, like really late in the night. But I had to get out. I could not sleep.

And so I wandered, armed with my Walkman phone... I just travelled from point to point on foot.


Until I stopped.



I sat and just looked around.

The neon lights of the valley and the streetlamps illuminating the dark night skyline.


A moment of pure silence.



I was not alone. The cold breeze of the nights kept billowing keeping me company.

Some peace and quiet. Some break from reality. Some time to reflect on self.


But before I knew it, the sun rising; flickers from behind the hills. (How I miss such sights!)


Without a wink of shut eye for the past 24 hrs, I steadfastly walk towards uni for classes.



The longest day... there's more to come.

Enough

I have had enough of this.



The confusion.

The self-doubt.

The fear.

The guilt ride.

The need to always catch up.


The loathing of me.




What a rollercoaster this past few moons have been!


Now, just let me be with myself.

Thank you very much.

Invictus

My favourite poem of all time. My soulfood of choice for a weary mind. It is written by William Ernest Henley. HE ROCKS!


Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the Pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate;

I am the captain of my soul.

WTF

*censored profanities*

Yeah, WTF!!!

I was at Jessica's 19th birthday party last Saturday night. When we were leaving after an evening of good food, great company, and gawking at her majestically-decorated home... Ooo... She stays soooo near Zoo Negara that one can even hear the elephants making sounds... (is it coo or something?)

I CAN'T FRIGGIN' OPEN MY DRIVER'S DOOR!!!

damn pissi-fied ok?

[And Jeremy Lee accused Amrita Kaur of the crime!!! Yeah lah... Our very own Paris Hilton! But of coz, PamritARIS wasn't the real crook.]



I had to like maneuveur like some contortionist to get to the driver's seat from the front passenger's seat... And I have chondromalacia patellae... Can you even imagine how cumbersome it was? For a disabled person like moi...??? Eh, I mana look like a flexible versatile hootie?


OMFG so agite-tated over the top!

Anyways, didn't drive for 2 days lor... Adrian drove Ben, Merv and I to Bangsar for the infamous pasar malam on Sunday. Guess what? We didn't do much purchasing at the nightmarket cos it ended up RAINING!!! KUCING DAN ANJING somemore...

Hence, we alleviated our retail adventure and lepak-ed around Bangsar Village with me spending RM40 on Christmas cards (Hallmark ok!) and nearly a three-digit figure at the Village Grocer buying my fave imported foodstuffs!!! Like POPTARTS! aaah... I miss the sing-a-long Poptarts songs... Whee!

Before that, this quartet were examining the funny products on sale at a 100Yen shop along the stretch of the road. Ooo I bought a dildo-like, pussy-looking knife holder... [Err, it's actually a CARROT!!!] among other Japanese products... Cheapo ne desu?

But hey, I did buy something from the Bangsar pasar malam. Fried Chee Cheong Fun & Free Radish Cake for dinner-slash-supper!!!

And it didn't even stop raining when we left the place. Saddening noir mes corazon!



Oh yeah, SoOOoOoooo today after lectures... I drove to Sri Petaling to repair my whacked car door. The mechanic at the workshop was so kind to fix it for FREE!!! YAAAY!!! So nice hor?



Hope the good luck stays with me for long long long time...

What happened today...

I was walking home.

I nearly fell into a drain.




Thankfully, I did not.

What a day!

So we hung out at Suria KLCC today after lectures (and MMS)... Jalan-jalan waste time.

And of course, sharing lame jokes. For example...


Courtesy of Yu Jeat:

What do you get when a piano falls and lands on a Pakistani (or any Asian national) ???



A crustacean. (Crushed-Asian)





Hmm... which office is the least happy in IMU?


Student Affairs Department (S.A.D. ma...)






Sexually-connotated joke, from Choo Ben Luke (heading to Chad soon!):

If honeybees produce honey, what bees produce milk?


Boo-bees. (Boobies/Breasts etc)





Hyperactive Michelle came up with this...

How come there are no panadols in the jungle?

Because the Paracetamol.


Ahem... the parrots ate them all... get it? LoL





Lamest joke of the month, from Mervin:

Jika semua manusia jadi ikan, ikan jadi apa? (Yes, in Bahasa Melayu)


Ikan jadi banyak.



Yeah... this is what you find in IMU.

Reflection

"Why do we hurt the most, the ones we love the most?"

*sniff sniff*

This is So Funny

I was chatting to an old friend of mine who's studying medicine in the Czech Republic. No no, the Govt sent her there, against her will. I figure.

Anyways, when I told her I was in IMU... "YOU? YOU wanna be a doctor? Sure or not???"

And she dropped and rolled on her dorm floor laughing till she got bruises. Or so she claimed. We were just chatting real-time on MSN la. I was complaining how we only learn anatomy using the plastic models in MMS. oKay, maybe not WE cos I hardly go to the MMS... lolx

Me: Eh you guys get a lot of practicals on anatomy right? With cadavers and stuff?
Her: Yeah, a lot of cadavers here.
Me: Cool, babe.
Her: Medical students here kill themselves. So we get a lot of dead bodies.
Me: Err... err... okay.

*Sweat. Sweat. Sweat.*

Short Rant

So so so many things going round in my mind right now. And I doubt I am sane enough, at least at this very moment, to think and sort them out.

I am not a great good guy. Never said I ever was. I have continuously committed mistakes grave sins. And I have always warned people about me. Yeah, ME! Not my darker side... Probably it's how from day to day, the general public sees me in a brighter perspective, so to speak.

Yeah, khwai is not nice.

Surprise!

Home

Surely like everyone else, I looked forward to this short one week break away from university. Time to relax and sit back, doing my own things at my own leisure. A visit back to the hometown seemed like a natural choice. To see the family (especially The Mother) and my buddies here.

This time around, I had friends tagging along. Hence, I am obligated delighted to bring them (Merv 'The Mario' & Adrian) around the Pearl of The Orient. Ah a fancy name, innit? Hmm that involves dropping by places that average Penangites like me will stay far far away from. Tourist hotspots lah.

So off we went to visit the Khoo Kongsi 'The Heritage Jewel of Penang' kononnya, St. George's Church, The State Art Gallery & Museum, Mesjid Kapitan Keling, Goddess of Mercy Temple, Gurney Plaza for a haircut, One-Stop Midlands & Prangin Malls for pirated DVDs and computer games. So much to see and do, so little time!

Oh yeah, not forgetting Kang Pei Shern's abode which is a haven for antiques. Oh-so-snazzy!

A recap of the culinary delight weekend thus far included: Ais-kacang at Swatow Lane, Char Koay Teow at Lorong Selamat, Coconut Water at Aboo Siti Lane, Terengganu Road Wantan Mee, Hot Wok, The Ship, Red Tea House Dim Sum, the hawker fare at Gurney Drive (we were eating under the acid rain after stomping across a muddy field), a alcohol-intoxicating night out at The Bagan.

[Pictures to be posted soon]


Now, on a more personal note...

I don't miss home that much.

Probably it's cos I have been accustomed to being and living away from home for quite a while now. That college stint in Singapore. All that job hunting experience along the Peninsular West Coast. The money-wasting backpacking holidays around the region with friends. Or is it that I am getting too friendly with KL?

I went into my room. Feels so familiar and close to heart. My CDs and posters lying all over the place. My lovely antique wardrobe. Most importantly, my room here is HUGE!!! And I have my OWN BATHROOM! (recently renovated to a personal favourite tinge of sky blue. yay! Thanks to The Mother)

All the roads and lanes where I can maneouvre around to sneak time. The familiar smiles of people I know. The different neighbourhoods I used to hang out in. Conjuring so many sweet memories, I wished I had never grown up and left home.

Strangely it doesn't feel like home.


COS IT'S BEEN EFFING RAINING CATS AND DOGS EVER SINCE I GOT HERE... AND THAT STUPID WAJA REVERSING INTO MY CAR AND DENTING IT FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER!!!

THAT FUCKTARD AND HIS DESCENDANTS SHALL BURN IN ETERNAL INFERNO!

Chondromalacia Patellae

Ouch.

Ouch. Ouch ouch ouch!!!

The knee hurts.

Like hell at times. Especially when I am standing for long periods of time (that's anything longer than 5 minutes) or climbing the stairs. And at every flexion of the joint, the kneecap cracks. Aaahhh why do lecture halls have to be built so high up?

Its times like these that makes me feel like I am like inept.


Why oh why, dear cartilage, did you have to degenerate and cause me so much EFFING pain?


Chondromalacia patellae, smelly pussy!

And guess what, today I am driving on a road trip back home. To Penang. Grr...


Ouch.

The Bill

This will be less of a shock compared to the cumulative purchase receipts from the respective apparel outlets...

Holiday Started Already Ah???

It was a Wednesday. The day when Italiannies serves Pasta Buffet... The day where 9 IMU freshmen decided to not give a heck about studying and went all out to splurge in fine dining plus shopping!!! (woi, it's 2 days to the Raya break wokie?)

Dr. Curly dissecting the mussel into its anatomical sections.

The Datin, The Curly & The Mario

JB-Singapore Scandal

Err...

We did so much to the country's retail industry's income ... No worries about hitting the target this month. Especially me... Overspent by like, TTTHHIIIISSSSS MMMMMUUUUCCCCHHHH!!!!!

The Mother is gonna drill me upside down and laterally and medially before dissecting me sagittally then putting me back together and NAG NAG NAG until there's no tomorrow...

Yeah... For the sake of the innocent sinful, the amount of bags of goodies we got will not be posted nor will there be any evidential proof. Although someone's mummy sorta reprimanded him for not buying enough baju raya... "SATU AJE? GO BUY SOMEMORE!"

I so wish The Mother is like that.

Oh before I forget, I skillfully prepared a 4-dish dinner for two last night (Tuesday). Got Butterhead Lettuce Blanched with Seafood Tofu & Carrots with Sesame Oyster Sauce (my concoction), Baked Beans with Omellete, yucky Tofu in Herbal Soya Sauce thingy and tapau-ed Fried Pork Fat.

LOL... Lo and behold.

Dear Blog

What on earth am I doing here? Blogging and NOT studying... How sinful it is!!! Especially for a medical student.

What on earth am I doing here? Argh... medical school! Every morning I wake up and ask myself, "What on earth am I doing here?"

It is definitely not because of my parents. They never even suggested this field, in fact discouraged it with much aggression. My dad could have come up with 1001 reasons WHY NOT TO BE A DOCTOR! While The Mother just cannot imagine a pig who sleeps so much surviving the demands of this vocation.

And not having to pay for my education (while being a plus) is a huge burden on my little (feeble) shoulders, you see! Studying medicine is uber-expensive. I AM NOT THAT SMART OK! These days, I am being sent on guilt trips every phone call from The Mother. "Never study and always go out lah. Think you very smart ah?"

So why? I guess it was a simple answer from someone when I was doubtful about pursuing medicine.

"Since you are given this opportunity, why not?"

So here I am...

In the company of people who have outstanding 'doctor genes' born inside them, those who have been striving for this and know so much about medicine that I can never comprehend, those who have gazillions of dollars lining their silver bedsheets, and of course...

The bookworms/library furniture/scholarly elites. Well, let's not talk about them.

Aaaah, I am just a little puppy dwarfed and lost in a hall of giants.

But I am thankful that I have found friends here. Good friends. I love them particularly they slack like me. LoL

Just less than 6 months ago, I was steadfast about getting a music degree on the sidelines while engineering atomic bombs and silicone boobs for Carmen Electra.


What am I doing here?

Donno yet lah. Just have to wait and see lor.


But I do know now, I have someone by my side to weather through it all.

Off to my much-desired and needed dosage of afternoon nap.